A panfandom roleplay

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006 ♕ you see me like no one saw me before | and this part terrifies me so
| daddy didn't love me
loisfuckinglane wrote in paradisa
[Following this]

[Alright Lois, she tells herself as she makes her way up the steps leading to the roof access, just breathe.

It's a lot easier said than done.

She can't stop her mind from racing over all the possibilities - over-analyzing every single word said on that journal entry - but she just keeps coming back to the casual relationship evinced by Kara, Clark, and ... Conner (Superboy?) during their conversation about superpowers, and the obvious glaring fact that no matter what else,  there's been something huge she's been missing here.   And that Clark Kent isn't just Clark Kent.

Any other day of the week you two are married some day would be the world shaking bombshell of a lifetime for her.

But this...

How could she have missed this?

And why does she have the gut feeling that all of this has to do with...

She pushes the door open, heart in her stomach, casting a nervous glance around as she steps out onto the roof.  The sky is clear, and the air carries the subtle bite of fall that, along with that pit in her stomach, causes her to fold her arms tightly across her midsection defensively as her eyes finally settle on the only other figure up there.  She stays rooted in place as the door clicks closed behind her, just staring, waiting for him to say something first.]

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[He's done this a dozen times now, hasn't he? Explained who he is, laid everything out on the table. But this time feels different. This isn't someone coming to him and confessing they know, asking for clarification.

This is someone who doesn't know anything at all. This is someone who actually could walk away and crush him, if this is all too much for her to handle.

He's kicking himself inside. He should have just said it. He should have just done this on his terms, instead of waiting for something to slip.

Clark stands on the roof, a couple dozen paces from the door, and he looks at her. How could he be such an idiot? Shouldn't he know better by now?]

Before I say anything else, Lois... I want you to know that I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.

[He's sorry. He sounds ridiculously sincere, but it's hard not to get a slight sense of foreboding when he takes the time to preface everything. She doesn't move forward yet, just keeps a cautiously guarded expression on her face.]

Just to clarify, is that a 'sorry I didn't tell you about something you should have known when you got here, Lois', or a 'sorry about something I haven't told you in the four years we've lived and worked together'?

[She's not really intending for it to sound quite so harsh. Things just happen to sound that way when they spill out of her mouth. Especially when they're laced with her own insecurities, which are definitely at play here and now.]

[Ouch. He mulls that over, quickly as he can. If honesty is the policy here...]

Something I should have told you before now. And this isn't how I wanted to tell you.

[He takes a few paces closer to her.]

I am the Blur. Superman.

[In the pause before he speaks again, she considers asking how he would have liked to tell her considering that--

But pretty much all of her mental processes just jam to a serious sudden halt when he actually says that. She's vaguely aware in the back of her mind of a million times where he's lied to her. Of how she probably looked like an idiot every time she ever opened her mouth about the Blur around Clark Kent. About a thousand subtle clues she never paid the slightest bit of attention to because...

Because it was just Clark.

But it wasn't. He's never been 'just Clark'.

He's always been both, and it's a lot to process all at once.

Right now, however, she's sort of incapable of analyzing everything.

She doesn't have room yet to be mad, or anxious, or embarrassed.

Right now?

She's filled with some undefinable sense of exhilaration.

And, because it's traditional:]

... I think I'm gonna have to work on a better nickname for you than Smallville.

[That works a bare smile from him. Third time's the charm. But there's always the worry, there, about what goes unsaid, about how she actually feels about it beyond stunned.

He chances a few more steps closer.]

"Smallville" kind of grew on me, honestly.

I like it better than 'Kal', I think. Maybe you want to explain that one too.

I was born on a planet called Krypton... My birth name is Kal-El. Kara and Kon are used to using it.

[Ok, that one's... a lot to handle. o_O]

So that makes you--

I mean you're not--

Biologically, no. I'm not human.

[Slow nod.]

But I was raised on Earth. My birth parents sent me to earth when I was a baby.

But you look so--

I mean. On the outside, at least.

[She wonders, briefly, if that's how he naturally looks, or if he like... assumed some kind of form in coming here. But Kara looks the same too, doesn't she?]

... Do you know why?

Kryptonians look completely human on the outside.


The sun exploded, wiping out the planet.

[On the outside. Meaning maybe he has... seven stomachs or something. Like a cow.

That last part eliminates all of that wandering fancy from her brain for a minute however.]

... And everyone evacuated? [Yeah, she's not really buying into the optimism in her tone there either.]

[He shakes his head.]

No, Lois. Kara and I are the only survivors.

[She tries to wrap her head around that one by imagining what it would be like if everybody on Earth up and died and the only people left were her and a cousin of hers.

The sense of isolation has to be staggering. She feels a gigantic wave of pity and compassion for them both, even if it's still stilted by the unreality of the situation.]

Clark-- [She still can't call him anything else. He has to be as much Clark Kent still as he is Kal-El or whatever.] ... I'm so sorry.

It's okay. [Well, it's not okay, but it's reality.] It's tragic but it isn't something we can change.

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