✖ PARADISA

A panfandom roleplay

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002 - Can't get through to you
I won't cry
xiaomeimei wrote in paradisa
[bit of a sigh, then a few doodles 'round the edges of the journal, twisting up the sides, nothing of much meaning, really, though maybe a heart or two before she scribbles them out, then dictated forever]

Seems Simon an' River are both here, but I ain't seen either of them. Simon...don't remember me, though. I mean, it weren't filtered, so. I heard his talk with Inara, and...well. Guess that's that, huh? I mean, it was hard enough just gettin' around all the other bits and pieces with not being fancy like the girls he's all used to, but I thought we were makin' progress, even so? But now he don't even remember me.

So much for...whatever we were makin' progress toward, I guess.

What is there for a girl to do around here to take her mind off a boy who don't even know her name no more?

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Gravitate toward the friends who do know your name.

Yeah, I guess...but there's really only...I mean, River's here, but I ain't seen her an' I hate to bother Inara.

New friends sometimes helps. I've made a few since I got here.

I guess I just need to actually get out a bit more...

Yer tried that outdoor bath thing yet? S'awful good fer stress relief, I find.

Oh, Kaylee. I'm so sorry.

I know, mei mei, but...I hate to see you hurting.

Things will work out, somehow.

Maybe it isn't s'posed to.

...I'm sorry. I...think we're both recovering from New York. It was... [trails off]

I didn't know how to - that is - it's very strange.

But I know we became...close, and I don't see why that couldn't happen again.

We could...make new memories?

[long pause and she's not even sure she wants to answer, 'cause it's a bit mortifying he heard that and decided to say something]

If you don't know who I am, why would you even want to? You don't know nothin' about me.

[equally long pause, as is a bit mortified he responded]

I know you kept Serenity flying. That means something.

I know Inara likes you, and not trusting Inara's taste would be...illogical.

I know you, um, have a cute pretty nice cute voice, and you care about River, and...

And I'm not very good at making friends, or...anything else, so the fact that I - did. That's...special.

...And I'm rambling. Did I often ramble in front of you?

[little smile you can almost hear in her voice just because, well, that is so very much like him, yes...but then her voice is very tentative again...]

Yeah, you...always sort of do that. Got a real habit of tending to put your foot in your mouth an' say all sorts of things maybe you oughtn't.

Oh. Right. I was...never very good with girls. Or...most people, really. Except River.

It seems like you put up with me, though.

Most days, I guess I did.

[shyly smiling, now] Most days, hm? I...think that's a record.

I could usually try that sort of thing...for...maybe a week?

Well, I like...liked you, so. I ... put up with it.

I'm...I'm glad.

I mean, if someone were going to like me - you seem like...a good person. [awkward Simon is awkward]

...I try to be, I guess....

You're...not like the other girls who've liked me. I don't think.

I, um, think that's why I liked you too.

...No, I'm not like those girls much at all.

...You did?

No. You're...sweet, and honest, and you're...obviously not afraid of hard work.

Well, Inara said so, and I feel like...she's right.

...I guess the girls you're used to ain't ever done a day of hard work in their lives.

Oh.

[laugh] Not the ones interested in me, no. We - didn't really have much in common, beyond social status. And that's...well, that doesn't mean much, really.

I don't - know you very well yet, not as far as I know, but...I enjoy talking to you. Even...with the babbling.

[wry] Means something though.

I'm just a voice in a journal. You ain't even met me yet, far as you know.

More than it should.

But I feel like I should have. Like there's this - missing piece that you fit into. [hurriedly] Not that you're just - a piece of something.

I guess.

...Oh. [awkward, a bit, unsure] Maybe...I mean, we was...were...friends, for a while now.

[long pause] I used to think - I used to put much more stock in it. [this is Simon Speak for "I was a giant snob"]

...I'd like that. If...that would be all right.

[half of a chuckle, which is all of her acknowledgment that maybe he still does a bit]

For...what? Us to be friends?

[he's pouting now, Kaylee] Hmm.

...Yes.

[he deserves to pout] Mmhmm.

....Oh.

[clears throat]

If you'd...if you'd like.

Great! Good. Thank you. [awkward rare boyish glee]

[a bit amused]

You're welcome....

Kaylee... [she smiles and there is a slight moment of relief, but it shifts as she hears about Simon]

He is here then. I thought.. maybe I was wrong. That the math had added up on the wrong side.

...River? [hasn't actually gotten to speak to her or see her after all?]

You ain't seen him? He's been looking for you.

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