✖ PARADISA

A panfandom roleplay

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superman ⋙ super family
clarklike wrote in paradisa
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[written]

No matter how many times I tell myself to not get too attached, it always happens. I can't just brush this off or forget these kids or pretend it didn't happen no more than I could leave behind my human life a few years ago. Even if it's temporary, or only a week, those kids are family.

I'm disappointed that I didn't get to see Lara again, but at least I know she's safe and happy, wherever she is. But other than her, I don't think I could have asked for anything more for last week. Ella was amazing. I feel so lucky to have had a chance to meet her, especially knowing that

[pause of pen]

Lois and I might never have that opportunity in the real world.

The first time I ever talked to Jor-El about it I was pretty upset at the prospect of never having kids. It wasn't like I couldn't be a parent –– if I thought that I'd be going against my own upbringing -- but as the years passed it was less about whether it'd be a biological kid or an adopted one and more about whether I could have kids at all. As I realized what my life was going to be dedicated to, I realized kids didn't really fit into that picture.

And where could they fit? It's hard to have a kid with a secret identity, especially when I don't even fully know what that identity will be yet, and Lois has her career. It's something we could do, but if Kara's world is any indication, it'll always be something we'll have a shot at but never really do.

Maybe it's better that way.

I know that being Superman comes with sacrifices.

----------



[It's been a while since he's sat on the roof. Over the past year or so he's opted to fly again, as air traffic is relatively low compared to what the roof gets, but it gets annoying to jostle a telescope while flying.

So there he is, on the edge of the roof with his feet dangling, musing about how, once upon a time, being in this same position would have scared him shitless. Heights, and all. The telescope is set up at an arm's reach, but for now Clark is watching the sky with it. Telescopic vision is nice, too, when he doesn't mind having to find and re-find celestial bodies every time he stops focusing his eyes.]

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[She comes up behind him, arms folded across her mid section betraying her discomfort with the subjects she knows she'll probably have to broach here. She figures she knows at least one thing that's on his mind, so she just stops right behind him, sure he knows that it's her.]

[He can hear her heartbeat and the tempo of her breath just subtly enough to know she's agitated about something. That doesn't really surprise him, either, given that they haven't really talked about the past week yet.

Clark glances up at her, equal parts disquiet and concern, even as he gestures at the empty space beside him.]


Join me for some stargazing?

You hardly need the telescope out here. [She sits as well, legs dangling off the side.]

[He puts an arm around her.]

No, but it's nice to get a closer look. There are constellations out here that don't exist on Earth.

[That leads to a thought she surprisingly hasn't really had here yet.] ... Do you think there's anybody out there?

I don't know. There's so much mystery around us I've never really thought to look for it up there.

Maybe something bigger controls Paradisa.

Some guy showed up here recently who's an architect, and we were up here talking the other day about exactly what makes us so sure that this place itself is alive. Maybe it's just magic used to make us believe that. People thinking they're talking to the castle could just as easily be talking to some kind of... sorcerer or something. We wouldn't know.

I have no idea where the "sentient" thing came from, but it makes sense to assume it's the castle. We're talking about something (or someone) with the power to not only bring us here and keep us here and subject us to things, but also to play with our minds and memories. I don't think there's many people out there who want to believe a person could have a moral code as askew as Paradisa's.

[Especially when Paradisa could be considered some sort of god –– creation, control, divine will, punishment. Lex has been gone for weeks and never really dug too deep into Clark when he was here, but Lex always reminds Clark of that stuff. Stuff he doesn't usually consider.]

It's almost better to think of Paradisa as a sentient building, especially when we don't really have to care about its feelings.

[pause]

Claire and I argued about what would happen if we found out there was a person behind the castle, once. What would happen if we met them.

We might not want to believe it, but that doesn't make it any less plausible. It does seem to make more sense that there's a being behind it who created a castle based out of some concept of what "Paradise" was. I think you're right though, that it might just be easier to look at it that way, especially because it gives us something concrete to hold onto. I have to admit, it seems more logical to think that a wizard or something summoned up a new magic castle, than this one just rebuilt itself after you all tore it down the first time.



Really? And what did you say?

More logical, yes, but this place flies in the face of reason all the time. I don't think logic matters to it.

[He glances at her.]

If that was how things were, people would be out to kill Paradisa. I'd have to stand between them, no matter what it has done to us.

I still think considering the fact that we know magic exists here, it's kind of ridiculous to jump to the sillier conclusion than to expect that there's something behind it. I'm blaming myself for it as much as anybody - everybody told me that was what was the truth about this place, so I believed it. And I'm not sure how much of a difference it make, in the end, if the person or people behind here were still beyond our reach. But it's a possibility.

It's nice to hear someone with a good head on his shoulders talk about this kind of thing. I had to deal with talking crazy cakes Claire down from wanting to kill Peter and then keep hunting him down every time he showed back up here. She actually thought that was a rational response to a dangerous threat, and I know there are people here who feel that way 24/7, not just when the castle is making them lose it.

That's the thing, too. The people out there [gesture at the horizon-line] could know what the castle really is. Why else do they talk about knowing what the castle really is and wanting to protect us from it?

And that's the second time Claire's been on that loss, and it's still irrational. Sure, you can traumatize people by killing them here, but it still solves nothing when they come back in two weeks.

Which is one more reason to keep digging for clues from them. [And then a massive wave of guilt hits her. Has to find a way to bring this up...]

And it seems like it would just cause someone to become more twisted if you kept killing them, not make them any less of a threat.




[Ok, deep breath. Out with it.] Speaking of threats.

Right.

[he glances at her]

Did you find something?

I'm not sure.




I talked to Allen, about ... my mysterious source. He was helping me look back through the journals for clues as to who it might be.

That Robyn girl? Who is she?

This isn't a definite, I just want to make that clear. In fact, Allen's reaction to it was so knee-jerk-freak-out that I almost think he was seeing things where they weren't...






But he thinks... he thinks it's Riful.

It's... plausible.

[he pauses.]


But if it is her, how much does she know now? She's basically made things up and gotten what in return?

She was asking for information on loss changes in return. It was one of the things she was most interested in.


But she also asked about what was going on in town, and said there were certain filters keeping her from seeing everything we were talking about.

Then if it's Riful, we know that she's interested in changing her loss... or someone else's. And it'd make sense for her to be after what's going on in town: if she's allied with them, she'll want to get our perspective on what's going on, for their sake.

I just hope I didn't let slip something stupid, if that's the case. I can't see how anything I said could have hurt anything.

Frankly, there are so many slip-ups with filters on these journals that I doubt there's much that she couldn't eventually find on her own.

Unless she intentionally wanted to get your suspicion. You're the best information jockey this place has, she'd know you were looking into it.

She seemed surprised I didn't have more to tell her, and I got the vibe that my reputation was why she came to me.

We still don't know that much, all things considered. If she thought we knew more, she's overestimating us... which I don't really like.

Maybe she was just making sure we didn't.

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